Thursday, August 13, 2015

Oh, Geno and Tom and Ben...

I'm hopeful always-wrong Jets fans recognize the blessing that just occurred regarding Geno Smith and IK Enemkpali.

Btw, before I get into it, how many of you have stared at his name and tried to pronounce it inside of your head repeatedly? Even though I've heard others say it, I still find myself mouthing "En-ehmK-polly?" And is his name "Ick?" If not, what is his name? Lets just go the distance on it.

Actually, don't tell me. I don't really care. I never heard of him before the right hook, and I've basically heard of everyone.

But I'm not a miserable Jets fan (aka, Jets fan), so I don't have to care who he is. If I were, well I'd probably run out immediately and buy myself an ENEMKPALI #51 Jersey, Jets or Bills. Because this future MMA star just did you a favor, having saved you from yet another season of sure agony. Or at the very least, 5-6 games.

Yeah, I know this may not make the Jets better, but it's probably not making them worse. It's good when you can plan ahead for the inevitable.

Face the facts, Jets fans, the guy is not good. He was never good. He will never be good. He was not great in college, and he's no better today than he was when he couldn't beat Giant's backup Ryan Nassib's Syracuse team. He was the product of a system, and the talent he had around him, to say little of the super garbage conference he played in.

Now I'm no John Nash, but I know what 38 is, and in this case it's the number of players taken before Smith in the NFL Draft. Not to say 2nd round draft picks don't pan out, but when Smith was chosen 38th it was deemed a surprise. Some predicted he'd be in the Top 10, maybe even Top 5.

When a player starts free falling right out of the first round past a slew of teams who need a QB, it's a red flag. One the Jets management didn't see.

Heck, EJ Manuel went 20 picks higher! Btw, EJ, don't promise your new teammate anything.

So Jets fans, THANK Mr. Enemkpali for sparing you the torture. Now you have a pedestrian Quarterback who will help you forget all about Sheldon Richardson's future as a NASCAR driver.


Speaking of NASCAR!

Was someone speaking of NASCAR?

No. Never. Certainly not me...but...

...For a moment. If you know me, you know what I think of NASCAR. If you know anyone, you should probably know the same. But I will say this morning I randomly read my first ever NASCAR-related article because I was SLIIIIGHTLY intrigued about Tony Stewart killing a guy who was "on marijuana", as was written.

I know as much about Stewart as I've just written about, and slightly more about the legal process. Deceased driver Kevin Ward's family has filed a wrongful death suit against Stewart, claiming the "accident" was intentional, etc.

Clearly they're upset, and quite possibly insane. If there's a video about frivolous lawsuits in America, the opening should be Kevin Ward walking down a race track toward Tony Stewart's car.

I'm hopeful some ambulance chasing lawyer didn't tell these people he'll pry some money off Stewart via blackmail because that's all this is. The family knows he has tons of cash, and are taking the calculated gamble he'll settle with them rather than risk being found guilty. After all, this would certainly tarnish his career if he was deemed at fault in any way.

It won't happen though. He'll fight this til the end and win.

When it's all said and done I hope he turns around and gives these people a $100,000 stuffed into an old bag. Just tosses it over to them after the trial, and says something like, "Sorry about what happened to your son. Hope this makes you feel better."

It's not easy making Tony Stewart look classy, but the Ward family is sure trying.

After all, he's somewhat responsible for another man's life. I'm sure that doesn't feel great.


And there it is, my first and hopefully last ever post about NAAAAAAAASCAR.


I have it on good authority Tom Brady is losing his shit, borderline depressed. Roger Goodell is beating him down for sure, but now he's caught up in the whole 'Peyton Manning email exchange' and "my buddy brought his hot nanny on our flight to Vegas" thing.

Yep, it's all wearing him down.

Part of me feels bad for the guy because I think this NFL "ball deflating" scandal is a massive joke. Hand the guy his fine, and move on. That Goodell is using Brady, a hero of the sport, to make himself look better is embarrassing on so many levels. The more it gets spoken about, the more absurd it seems to me.

Goodell needs to be fired, and I hope this does it.

Back to Brady...

Another part of me doesn't feel bad for him at all. He's taking private jets to Vegas all the time with hot nannies? Going to UFC fights, hitting the Kentucky Derby, and this is just what we hear about!

I've surmised that the worst summer of Brady's life is basically the dream I have every day.

So while I feel for the guy (because all of this is so lame), I'm going to get over it. I'm sure he will too.


Which brings me to Ben Affleck taking Brady to Vegas on his private jet with his kinda hot nanny. I wasn't even aware Jennifer Garner and Affleck had split until my mom came to visit, and mentioned it in passing. For this summer, Kaitlyn Jenner dominated the "Shit I Don't Really Care About" section of my mind. So pardon me for missing this.

That said, I want to blame Garner for their breakup, having no idea whose fault any of it really is. It was probably his, but I still want to blame her more.

Why you ask?

Well, I think it's pretty obvious.

You don't hire THAT GIRL to be your Nanny! You hire her, and her, and her, and MAAAAYBE her. BUT NOT HER.

So, yeah, I'm sure it's probably his fault, but as I have said MANY TIMES during all my travels to Vegas with the UFC. "If you run through the lion's den once you might not get killed. But if you run through 50 times, you certainly will." In Ben's case, he's living with the goddamn lion.


Is it that time when I give away ANOTHER fantasy sleeper?

Hate to give away all my tricks, but I will say this: I find it interesting the Eagles are trying to extend Sam Bradford's contract right now.

He's always had the ability, but staying on the field has been a problem. Apparently the Eagles, namely, Head Coach Chip Kelly, believe he is more than capable of running the show. Logic dictates if THIS GUY can somewhat succeed, well I'm guessing Bradford will far exceed expectations. Which in Bradford's case just means making it through the first half of a game...

But I'll go you one better because that's too easy of a sleepski.

Draft Cameron Artis-Payne. Probably a bit obvious with him playing in Carolina behind Jonathan Stewart and a 2 other players less known than IK Enemkpali, but the reality is this kid is a legit football player. Forget measurables, etc. He has great feet, balance, vision, and runs hard between tackles.

He will be getting picked up by your wife's friends in her fantasy league by week 5, which means he's valuable by at least Week 3.



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